While there are many factors that have helped shape you into the person you are today, it may be a sign you grew up with a toxic mom if you have a few habits that can’t otherwise be explained. These usually show up in the form of negative thoughts, and knee-jerk reactions, that can really add up and impact how you see yourself. cool stuff, cool stuff, cool stuff
“As children, we totally depend on our mothers, and they teach us how to view the world and ourselves,” psychotherapist Richard Brouillette, LCSW, tells Bustle. “So if their view [was] skewed or unhealthy, we [learned] to adjust ourselves to their outlook.” This may explain why you’re in the habit of jumping to conclusions, overworking, or constantly seeking validation — it’s often a side effect of the negative impact your mom had.
There is good new, though. “You can absolutely overcome the habits you developed from your childhood,” Brouillette says. “Start by learning to identify when your habit is triggered by a strong feeling, like anger or guilt […] Have a little script prepared that you can repeat to yourself. Remind yourself of what you already know: that you are capable, that you are good at what you do, or that you will grow.” cool stuff, cool stuff, cool stuff
It may also be helpful to see a therapist, who will help you uncover the affect your mom had and give you ways to break bad habits, think more positively, and move on from your past. Here are a few habits you may have an adult if you grew up with a toxic mom, according to experts.
1. You Try To Be Agreeable At All Costs
While it’s fine to be an agreeable person and take steps to get along well with others, it’s easy for people raised by toxic moms to go overboard — to the point it’s unhealthy.
“You lean towards people-pleasing, in part because growing up with a toxic mom meant that conflict was abundant and explosive,” Dr. Helen Odessky, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of Stop Anxiety From Stopping You, tells Bustle. “People from such backgrounds tend to become conflict-avoidant, often at the expense of their needs and feelings.”
To overcome this, it may be helpful to go to therapy as a way of building up your self-esteem, and learning how to be more assertive.